the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
