You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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