woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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