What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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