They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There r osticjed everywhere
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
