using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize