I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
