I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
