Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
