He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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