Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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