He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
