I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
