you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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