Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
