last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
