Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
