Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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