I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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