Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
