if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
