The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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