Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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