Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
