you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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