just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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