p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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