One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
