I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
