I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
