Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
