i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Jerry, you need to find god
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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