Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
