every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
