Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
