I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize