Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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