I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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