I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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