I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
