eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
