I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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