found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
