I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
