doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
