I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
