so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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