Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
