"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
