You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
