I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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