they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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