Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
