think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
