I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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