she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
