; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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