you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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