So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
