I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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