Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
