That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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