bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
