Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
