On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
