jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
